Easy as Pie~!

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Or maybe NOT … 

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Early version of Eternity Machine
Replica: Early version of Eternity Machine

SCENE:    deep space. Very deep.

SET:          Stardrifter No 40500

LOCALE: Somewhere between Gannymede and the Pleiades star clusters.

PERIOD:  Year 47,497 AE*

*     *     *     *     *

Two human beings emerge blinking from the transit  cocoons in which they’ve been suspanimate for the past 36,000 (ancestral-measure)*  years …

*     *     *     *     *

“Wassup?”

“Dunno—reactivated, so it must be for a purpose. Damn, I was having such a lovely dream.”

“How long have we—”

“36,000 years.”

“Ye gods! It seems like only yesterday—”

“That’s automation for you … no alarms have activated so there’s obviously nothing to worry about.”

“But still not routine, Captain—we’re not meant to be upped for another twelve thousand years.”

“Well, while we’re up we may as well be useful, and check the ship. We’ll have ourselves a coffee first.”

“Shall I up any of the others? It’s a lot of boat for just two, and while we’re up we’re aging—”

“Coffee first, then we’ll do just the Command, Cruise, and Control Centre. Shouldn’t take more than a few weeks … fancy a quick Coupling—?”

“Captain! Sex! Is that all you men ever think about?”

“—or not. It was worth a try … but why up just the two of us? I understand upping me, I’m the Captain; but you, Professor, are a mathematician.”

“So of the thousands aboard this ship Automatica chose me … should I feel flattered? Can’t be a random choice, must be purposeful—”

“Professor—I think I now see why—”

“Captain, I don’t have the omnipresence chips you do—where are you, what are you looking at?”

“Annex to CCC and C—”

“That ‘Eternity Computer’ thing some eccentric had installed at the last minute?”

Eternity Computer, circa 150 BCE — modern replica
Eternity Computer, circa 150 BCE — modern replica

“Precisely! Professor, you aren’t going to like this—”

“What? The infallible has broken down? No. Impossib—”

” … Professor … will you please  remind me of the functions of the Eternity Machine, it’s parameters and limitations?”

“A rhetorical question, Captain. Your omniscience chips cover every aspect of this ship and it’s cre—”

“Humour me?”

“The Eternity Machine is—was, at the time—the very latest and most advanced super-computer in the Solar System, capable of only just sub-infinite calculations per pre AE second. It was whimsically tasked with solving Pi to whatever number of decimal places. An impossibility of course, and that was the whole joke. Hell, Sir, even you found it amusing at the time—”

“Professor—”

“Sir?”

“Professor … it’s stopped running.”

“It’s faulty? No, that’s impossible, completely out of the equati—”

“So that of course is why Automatica upped us. The Eternity Machine has solved Pi~!

A pi pun, or is it pi times pi (being pi are squared, then?)
A pi pun. Would that be pi times pi (being pi are squared) then?

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SQUELCH

*      Ancestral Measure:  system of time-keeping before the official adoption of Atomic Time. (Referred to in olden days as BC/AD, or BCE etc.)

**   Atomic Era: universal system of dating referenced to the moment of detonation of the first nuclear explosion in the year 1945 of the CE. All clocks and calendars were reset to zero on the precise centennial in 2045 CE.

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13 thoughts on “Easy as Pie~!

  1. Oh, i love this! Well done, you clever thing, you!

    I like the idea of AE, too… although in my version of a new calender it begins 15,000 years ago with the Thais Bone: first scientific measurement of the heavens. Seems appropriate.

    1. I think I may have seen an image of this, if it’s what I think. Damme, Sir, I’ll have to look it up … watch this space …

    2. Not the same. So shall check it out …

      The one I saw (somewhere~! Why did my old computer have to blow up?) was a bone-bone (think Disney depiction), regarded as the “first luna cycle calculator” but post-dating your one by about 2000 years). Guess the Thais trumps the other (if I can ever find it again) (don’t wait up …)

    3. Looking at it … it blows the theories about when writing was invented out of the water by thousands of years. (It also resembles Ogham writing from Ireland).

      1. I would’ve been impressed, still am in fact … but what I’ve been researching is either crank/fiction or is evidence of patience over thousands of years.

        Frightening … I thought “away with the cuckoos” at first but once you get into it it’s hard to refute.

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